Daily Archives: June 9, 2011

Apologies for the profanity but I put the word ‘fuck’ in the title of a blog post on Tuesday and then yesterday had the highest number of visitors all year. “Ah yes, I thought, that’ll be the fuck. I must remember to fuck more in the titles of my blog posts. I wonder if I can somehow slip a fuck into my next blog post title. Bet I can’t.”

Well I have, and brilliantly. Anyway, I need a holiday. I need a lot of other things too, but primarily I need a holiday. As a successful freelance journalist with an unblemished track record in writing travel features you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem to go on holiday for free and then write words about it. You’d be wrong. It’s increasingly hard to get travel commissions. Hard, but not impossible. Not if you put some thought into it. This morning, then, I sat down and hammered out ten ideas that I don’t think have been covered yet. Here they are.

1. In the Rockies with the Rockys. I visit the North American mountain range and do nothing but watch the Rocky hexalogy. That’s right, hexalogy.

2. See Naples and Die. I go to Naples and try and join the Camorra. If I have to whack my photographer in an initiation ritual, then so be it.

3. An Englishman in Old York. I go to heritage-rich York for a bit. Possibly with Sting.

4. Disneyland Paris! Alone! I go to Disneyland Paris and try to drink myself to death over a two-week period.

5. Where Am I? I deprive myself of sight, touch, smell, hearing and taste and get on a plane headed somewhere. Once there, I have to guess – by thought alone – where I am. Then write 1,500 words about it. Pictures could be a problem with this one.

6. Morecambe and Wise. I go to Morecambe on an intensive two-week course studying Greek philosophy.

7. Terry and June. I go on holiday with a couple called Terry and June.

8. Terry in June. I change my name by deed poll to Terry and go on holiday in June.

9. June in June. I change my name to June and go on holiday in June.

10. May in June. In this one, I don’t actually go on holiday but I research the various holiday options available in June and then decide whether or not I’d like to go away then.

I’ll let you know how I get on with these. I sense ten commissions, though the ‘May in June’ one might be a bit late for this year. Wish me luck!